So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize