Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
