Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
