The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
