Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
