I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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