At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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