You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
