i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
time to smoke my breakfast
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
