you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
