i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize