How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
