watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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