Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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