Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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