dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
