riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
NoShamevember. You game?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
