Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
