at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
