I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
