there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
