sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
