Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
