I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize