apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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