my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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