Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
