I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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