Got a toothbrush?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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