He asked me if I "almost moaned"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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