Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
