I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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