Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I could fuck to npr.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
