Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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