before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
