sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
