Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
