Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
