I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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