You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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