I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
