I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
