I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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