i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There's even glitter on my cock...
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