At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am one with the molecules
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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