This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
