You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
