You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
