Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
