i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
