I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize