I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
