and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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