guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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