You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
