Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
