shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
