The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
