My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
