I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
