He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
