just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
