Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
