If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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