Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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