i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
