never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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