I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
