God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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