I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
