Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
