and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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