do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
