I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You took a bar mat shot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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